No. Absolutely Not.

Two months. Two whole months. But today, I’ll be honest, I feel awful. And bad days are happening more often, and it seems more and more of a given that they will all just run into one again, bad day after bad day after bad day, and I just cannot do this. I don’t have [...]

36 Days

I’ve been on fluoxetine for 36 days now, and currently I just feel utterly washed out and left to dry. I have nothing left to give. I’m exhausted, physically and mentally, I feel sick, and it just isn’t going away. I’ve been better the past few days but today and yesterday have been a real [...]

The Medication Saga: Continued

So I’ve been taking these drugs for exactly a month now – I’m on day 28 at the moment although I haven’t actually taken my 28th pill and won’t until I go to bed. But I’m feeling, if anything, worse. I spent this entire week in bed and went to two out of my sixteen [...]

Frankly This Is Old-Style.

Since coming back from my weekend away I’ve spent most of my time in bed. Staring at the ceiling, or my hand, the edge of my desk, the floor, my clock; whatever fell within my immediate field of vision. Shockingly low, in the way that I associated with my pre-medicated state, except that this time [...]

Oh, For Crying Out Loud

The meds are making me feel really sick. In the last three days I have eaten: three baklava (little sweet pastries about the size of your average chocolate), twelve squares of chocolate, three chocolate peanuts, a small helping of lasagne, and a slice of toast which I only just kept down. I’ve also lost four [...]

I Don’t Understand Why They Hide It.

Or, indeed, how.
‘It’ being the usual. Depression. Why do people refuse to talk about it when they would talk about cancer or childbirth or having to have their leg amputated or a toenail removed, or tuberculosis, or Legionnaire’s disease, or, well, most other diseases in fact with the possible exception of HIV/AIDS. I don’t understand. [...]

Cause

I don’t think the way I feel – in terms of me-being-depressed – has any exogenous cause (oh, hark at the medical brain there!) Exogenous meaning outside cause. In other words, it’s all in my head, it’s all about the neurotransmitters I have, or lack, having a bit of a rave at my expense. Which [...]

More About Those Pills

The annoying thing about saving drafts is that you forget about them and forget to publish them. So the previous entry should have gone up several days ago now, predating by nearly a week my total freak-out at the weekend.
I think the medication explains the way I behaved at the weekend. Terrified, shaking, and certainly [...]

One Other Thing.

It was time. With no other solution available to me, I have begun to take the medication I’ve been blathering on about for too long now. The pills are a sunny green/yellow stripe, which is cheering at least. We’ll see how it goes. That and continued counselling. You just get to a point where you [...]

Time To Be Honest

The medication.
For all the reasons I worried about it the other day, I’ve still not started to take it. However, there was one other reason I didn’t really want to admit to there…which now means I’m going to have to give it an entire entry of its own because after all, I promised to be [...]