Consequences

I suppose it had to happen. If you miss a term of university – even if you were actually there, present, somehow, you still missed it because you spent half of it literally absent, in your room, staring at the wall, and the other half mentally absent, late, or elsewhere – there are bound to [...]

Strength, and Things.

Sorry I haven’t been around much recently. I have been OK, pretty good, so I hope you didn’t worry. I doubt it.
Anyway, I was thinking about strength. Specifically this: I am completely lacking in any kind of strength, physical, emotional or mental. I lack willpower, I can’t arm-wrestle a ten-year-old even if I’m given a [...]

Things I Hadn’t Missed.

Over the last few days I’ve been a bit up and down, and I’m putting this down to a combination of PMS and the attempt to stop smoking. The thing is, when I was depressed, PMS just meant becoming super-depressed and horribly unhappy, at which point I would just retreat under the covers and wait [...]

Flying Out of my Comfort Zone

The one really odd thing is, despite being ostensibly fine, I’m still an incredibly timid person. There are so many things I’m scared to do, so many things I’ll never say, and I don’t have the confidence to believe in myself with regards to anything except that I am fairly intelligent and musical, and a [...]

Consequences

I struggle now to be sympathetic and understand and meek around people around whom I used to be like this. I used to want to be there for everyone, shoulder blame if I possibly could, make things easier for everyone around me, but these days I can’t take on to myself anything to carry that [...]

Made It Home Now

It’s good to be home. I hope that here I can just stop, stop moving, stop moving, stop thinking, just for a while, until I feel like I’ve caught up with myself.
My cousin, who I saw yesterday, has tried to make me more organised by getting me a book in which to make useful lists [...]

I Don’t Understand Why They Hide It.

Or, indeed, how.
‘It’ being the usual. Depression. Why do people refuse to talk about it when they would talk about cancer or childbirth or having to have their leg amputated or a toenail removed, or tuberculosis, or Legionnaire’s disease, or, well, most other diseases in fact with the possible exception of HIV/AIDS. I don’t understand. [...]

Stars and Things

There was a boy, once. A while back.
A week away, doing a course, drama, maybe, or music. I’d left someone behind at home, no commitment, just my heart. But there was this boy, there, at the course. Funny, flirtatious, good-looking, quick-witted, clever. He made me feel like I was all those things too, and he [...]

Time To Be Honest

The medication.
For all the reasons I worried about it the other day, I’ve still not started to take it. However, there was one other reason I didn’t really want to admit to there…which now means I’m going to have to give it an entire entry of its own because after all, I promised to be [...]

This Is How To Deal With Me

I was reading a rather good post the other day on how the hell you can be a good friend to a depressed person. So, from my perspective, I thought I’d talk about this for a while.
Truth is, it’s very difficult. Some people just don’t understand depression – and I don’t mean that in a [...]